IT'S AN ALL-AMERICAN SING-OFF!!!!!

TWO major candidates are vying for your vote, America!  It's up to you to decide!  Which one of these talented crooners is going home with the gold?  Let's take a look at our first contender:



Barack, your voice is so sweet that it just melts my heart.  You have the Reverend Al running through your veins.  But why only two lines?  Where's your confidence?  Can't you take credit for all you accomplished in those first two lines and use it as momentum to propel you into a few more verses?  Hint, hint?



I'm sorry Mitt, but I'm going to have to stop you right there.  You certainly have control over your captive audience, but Mitt, buddy, where's the soul?  Ray Charles injected a more-than-modest share of oomph into that song, and you seem to have removed it surgically.  And speaking of the song choice, "America the Beautiful" seems a little bit pandering to me.  Usually it's a desperate performer who tosses out an inevitable crowd-pleaser like that.  And in the public domain, too?  Are you low on funds?

All I'm saying is, why not take a risk on something new, like oh, "Fortunate Son"?  Or "Taxman"?  Or something with heart, perhaps dedicated to a family member, like "Up on the Roof"?  Anything with pep!

So which one will it be, America?  ORPERATORS ARE STANDIMG BY.