Well, for starters, here is a list of things that this blog is not:
- A diary. Anyone who has time to write a blog obviously doesn’t have enough going on in his own life to make it worth writing about. You will see very little, if anything, about me here. And besides, why would you care about my life? I don’t care about yours, unless you are Mel Gibson, or the dreamy Adrian Pasdar.
- A snarky holier-than-thou celebrity gossip site. Not that I’m against that sort of thing, I just have no access to celebrities. Harvey Levin, if you’re reading this, give me a call (you are not reading this).
- A day-by-day account of my misadventures in cooking my way through the Julia Child cookbook. So stop thinking that’s what this is, or you will be disappointed when searching for a decent boeuf bourguignon recipe.
- A reminder of whether today is Christmas, Obama is President, or Abe Vigoda is alive (but since you’re already here: no, yes, and yes).
- Pictures of cats who speak in broken English and use Z’s a lot.
- An “Emily’s Reasons Why Not” fan fiction site. Please direct your “Emily’s Reasons Why Not” spec scripts to my sister blog, www.pleaseputemilysreasonswhynotbackontheair.com/Imeancomeon1episodeishardlyenoughtogainanaudience.
So what is Torturously Okay? I’m glad I asked myself!
In the tumultuous world of pop culture, there is the good and there is the bad. They are generally easy to tell apart. There are good things, like The Hurt Locker, carrot cake, and Pell grants. Then there are bad things, like totalitarianism, drunk drivers, and Jeff Dunham. Generally, there is much to be enjoyed on both the good and the bad ends of the spectrum (excepting Jeff Dunham). We can all agree that a car wreck is bad, but everyone slows down and looks. The Bush Administration was a dark eight years, but it brought about some of the best comedy there ever was. And oh my, I just can't stop watching Uwe Boll movies.
The worst of our culture, the lowest of the low, lies with the things that are merely okay. Things that don’t have the energy to be truly good, but don’t have the dignity to be truly awful. These run rampant in our society right now and are going to be its downfall. Here are just a few examples of things that are okay:
Avatar
The Democratic Congress 2006-2010
Matthew McConaughey movies (excepting The Lincoln Lawyer)
Paris Hilton’s dance-pop album
American Idol
TGI Friday's
Slim Jims (R.I.P. Mr. Savage)
The Jay Leno Show (His ego is spectacularly awful. His show is okay.)
Every day we suffer through mediocre movies, mediocre TV shows, and mediocre news programs. We eat mediocre food from mediocre chain restaurants, we shop at boring mediocre department stores and wear mediocre clothes. The food might keep us alive, the clothes might keep us warm, the TV shows might occasionally make us laugh (unless they feature Jeff Dunham).
But what do they really do for us, other than fill the time? Has your life really been enriched by that episode of “How I Met Your Mother,” or that Owl City album? Would you really be living a less fulfilled life if Lindsay Lohan were not a part of it? In a world where Leap Year never got the green light, would the suicide rate be any higher? Has that Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner made it really worth waking up today?
These things are not good enough to enjoy, but not bad enough to learn from. They’ve all been watered down to make them suitable for mainstream consumption. Everything unique has been flushed out of them and now they’re merely okay. Not just okay, but mind-numbingly okay. Maliciously okay. Torturously okay.
This is a blog dedicated to all things good, bad, and okay, and to granting you the wisdom to know the difference. We are here to encourage you to strive for greatness, and if you can't be great, be so awful that the world adores you anyway. Just don't be okay. Please, don't be okay.
NOTE to Jeff Dunham: It's not personal. You're just not funny and you never have been.
